blogs are like The Cloud

memeshappen.com

I don't understand The Cloud.

Where is it? What does it do? If I don't know how to put anything in The Cloud, then how am I out of space in The Cloud? Do I really need room in The Cloud? Since I'm clueless about The Cloud, can my phone please stop telling me that I haven't backed up to The Cloud in 63 weeks? If I knew where The Cloud was, I would've backed right up to The Cloud by now. So I'm not an Apple Genius. That's okay.

Blogs are like The Cloud. If they're not your thing, odds are you think they're pointless and a little silly. You say things like, "Who even reads your blog?" or "That's just another way to overshare." So you're not a blogger/bloglover. That's okay.

To an Apple Genius, there's a point to The Cloud. To some girl whose phone was stolen and had never saved her proposal photos anywhere but her phone and, thankfully, backed her photos up to The Cloud, there's a point to The Cloud.

To me, there's a point to this space. There's a point to the corner of the internet where people share their stories and funnies and hearts. To some person reading a post thinking, "I thought I was the only one," there's a point to this space.

I don't really use The Cloud use The Cloud at all, and I'm fine with that.
I haven't been using this blog space and that is not cool.

Plus, I promised a friend of mine a Buzzfeed Style post along the lines of Signs You're a #basic 90s Christian Girl. I can't just back out on that. It's rude to break promises, especially to friends.

So, I'll be around.

(And if you have any insight on The Cloud situation, feel free to share.)

the flip-side

For the past two years, I've been choosing "one little word," and the Lord has been so faithful to speak. I've asked and He's been clear. He put a word in my heart and my feet on a path and He walked with me. And I love that.

What I do not love so much is that each word I've received has had an extra layer--a flip-side, if you will, that I was not expecting. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but I never did.

In 2013, "low" had me expecting to spend the year chasing humility, quieting my own heart and voice so I could listen more to others and hear God speak more clearly. Those things happened, sure. It also, though, turned out to be one of the downright lowest years I've had. That interpretation of the word...I just wasn't prepared to experience. In hindsight, I'm grateful. The Lord works all things together and I came out of those dark valleys with some gold I would have otherwise missed, but goodness--more than I bargained for.

Then there's 2014. Take Courage. I was so excited. I was ready to take on the world, armed with my Scriptures on courage--the Lord clearly saying, "Take courage..take heart...I have overcome the world!"

Context, y'all. Context is everything.

Every time you read "take courage" or "take heart" in Scripture, you can easily substitute "fear not" or "don't be afraid." Sometimes the translation even prints that instead. You know why? BECAUSE THERE WAS AN ACTUAL REASON TO BE AFRAID.

photo courtesy: wall321

There's no need for courage when there's peace in the land. There's no need for courage when you're just floatin' on a lake. No, people. Ya' need to take some courage when you're about to battle a people way bigger than you--in size AND number. You have to buckle down and be brave when the waves are crashing and the boat is rocking and you feel like you, at any moment, might get dumped into a hopeless swirl of weather mess. THAT is when you need to take courage.

Why I thought my case would be any different, I have no ever-loving idea. In my mind, though--no joke--I pictured sitting on a sunny, breezy porch on a beautiful day, the Lord sitting down beside me, patting me on the knee and saying, "Ok, kiddo. Today's the day! I packed your courage for you. It's on the kitchen counter. Now, go do something great."

How stupid. How small.

"Take courage" was not what I had anticipated, but that's a gift. It was scary. It was my world painfully being nothing at all like I expected. It was everything I wanted turning out to be nothing that I needed. And there, in the dark and the tears, in the rocking boat, up against giants, God bent down and whispered, "Hey. This is rough, right? This is more than you can handle? Take the courage. Grab it and cling to it because I have overcome the world. I can handle this. I will still do something great--not for you, but with you for me. Chin up. You'll see." 

It was not what I envisioned.
It was hard, but it was good.

Here we are. 2015. In past years, it's been a New Year's Eve scramble to know my word for the year ahead. This time, that was not so. I knew my word in November; but with my past experience of my word turning out to be so much "more" than I expected, I was hoping the Lord would change His perfect, sovereign mind.

It didn't happen.

So with squinted eyes and a shaking head, my word for 2015 is...oh gosh...

Discipline.

Never in my life have I been more terrified of three syllables. So terrified, in fact, that I almost didn't tell a single soul.

When the word first popped into my heart, I thought, "Yes. This is good." Fitness, finances, studying the Word...I'm so willy-nilly and go-with-what-I-feel that discipline and structure will be good. Discipline and structure and consistency are all things I love and want, I'm just not the best at actually achieving them, so, "Yes. This will be good."

Then the whole second layer, flip-side thing occurred to me. "Oh no. This is bad." Maybe He just meant "disciple." That's three syllables, too. I probably just misheard, right? Sneezed when He said it and guessed the wrong last few letters?

Nope. Definitely discipline. As in punishment. As in getting in trouble. For what I have no idea, but I have no doubt it's coming. This should be fun.

He disciplines the ones He loves, right? Proverbs 13:24 ESV

Discipline from the Lord is a blessing, isn't it? Psalm 94:12 ESV

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11 ESV

I'm a little bit horrified, but I know I should be saying "thank you."

I'll be filling you in soon on some of the physical, practical ways discipline is showing up in my life these days...and I'll deal with the scary ones as they come.

Do you have a word or theme for 2015?
I'd love to hear about it! 

it has been ages.

You know when you haven't seen a really good friend in ages, and you make plans to meet up, but you feel a little nervous? You know that you really are truly friends, but it really has truly been ages; and ages tend to make you wonder if anything is really going to be the same.

It has been ages.
It is not going to be the same--in the best way.

I think I stayed away from this little blog nugget for the past, um..., 11 months because I just didn't like what it was and didn't know how to change it and was just tired of it. (Angsty, much?) I so often felt like this was still just my "college girl rambling" blog and I wanted it to be my "somewhat grown up, funny, real" blog.

So, welcome.
Welcome to my somewhat grown up, hopefully funny, real blog, where I will rant, joke, and pour my heart out in turn. I will do all of it with absolute honesty. Zero fluff zone, sir.

Let's try this out. You might hate it--I'm planning to love it.

And for a little giggle, watch this video and get a peek at why I updated this blog title and address. Really, it's going to require further explanation, but for today just watch and laugh. I'll explain later.