the flip-side

For the past two years, I've been choosing "one little word," and the Lord has been so faithful to speak. I've asked and He's been clear. He put a word in my heart and my feet on a path and He walked with me. And I love that.

What I do not love so much is that each word I've received has had an extra layer--a flip-side, if you will, that I was not expecting. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but I never did.

In 2013, "low" had me expecting to spend the year chasing humility, quieting my own heart and voice so I could listen more to others and hear God speak more clearly. Those things happened, sure. It also, though, turned out to be one of the downright lowest years I've had. That interpretation of the word...I just wasn't prepared to experience. In hindsight, I'm grateful. The Lord works all things together and I came out of those dark valleys with some gold I would have otherwise missed, but goodness--more than I bargained for.

Then there's 2014. Take Courage. I was so excited. I was ready to take on the world, armed with my Scriptures on courage--the Lord clearly saying, "Take courage..take heart...I have overcome the world!"

Context, y'all. Context is everything.

Every time you read "take courage" or "take heart" in Scripture, you can easily substitute "fear not" or "don't be afraid." Sometimes the translation even prints that instead. You know why? BECAUSE THERE WAS AN ACTUAL REASON TO BE AFRAID.

photo courtesy: wall321

There's no need for courage when there's peace in the land. There's no need for courage when you're just floatin' on a lake. No, people. Ya' need to take some courage when you're about to battle a people way bigger than you--in size AND number. You have to buckle down and be brave when the waves are crashing and the boat is rocking and you feel like you, at any moment, might get dumped into a hopeless swirl of weather mess. THAT is when you need to take courage.

Why I thought my case would be any different, I have no ever-loving idea. In my mind, though--no joke--I pictured sitting on a sunny, breezy porch on a beautiful day, the Lord sitting down beside me, patting me on the knee and saying, "Ok, kiddo. Today's the day! I packed your courage for you. It's on the kitchen counter. Now, go do something great."

How stupid. How small.

"Take courage" was not what I had anticipated, but that's a gift. It was scary. It was my world painfully being nothing at all like I expected. It was everything I wanted turning out to be nothing that I needed. And there, in the dark and the tears, in the rocking boat, up against giants, God bent down and whispered, "Hey. This is rough, right? This is more than you can handle? Take the courage. Grab it and cling to it because I have overcome the world. I can handle this. I will still do something great--not for you, but with you for me. Chin up. You'll see." 

It was not what I envisioned.
It was hard, but it was good.

Here we are. 2015. In past years, it's been a New Year's Eve scramble to know my word for the year ahead. This time, that was not so. I knew my word in November; but with my past experience of my word turning out to be so much "more" than I expected, I was hoping the Lord would change His perfect, sovereign mind.

It didn't happen.

So with squinted eyes and a shaking head, my word for 2015 is...oh gosh...

Discipline.

Never in my life have I been more terrified of three syllables. So terrified, in fact, that I almost didn't tell a single soul.

When the word first popped into my heart, I thought, "Yes. This is good." Fitness, finances, studying the Word...I'm so willy-nilly and go-with-what-I-feel that discipline and structure will be good. Discipline and structure and consistency are all things I love and want, I'm just not the best at actually achieving them, so, "Yes. This will be good."

Then the whole second layer, flip-side thing occurred to me. "Oh no. This is bad." Maybe He just meant "disciple." That's three syllables, too. I probably just misheard, right? Sneezed when He said it and guessed the wrong last few letters?

Nope. Definitely discipline. As in punishment. As in getting in trouble. For what I have no idea, but I have no doubt it's coming. This should be fun.

He disciplines the ones He loves, right? Proverbs 13:24 ESV

Discipline from the Lord is a blessing, isn't it? Psalm 94:12 ESV

"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11 ESV

I'm a little bit horrified, but I know I should be saying "thank you."

I'll be filling you in soon on some of the physical, practical ways discipline is showing up in my life these days...and I'll deal with the scary ones as they come.

Do you have a word or theme for 2015?
I'd love to hear about it! 

no one hands it to you

I've been thinking and praying and hoping for my one little word for 2014. I had all but settled on "brave" when I realized...

that's really not enough. 

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.

In the world you will have tribulation. But 

take courage;

I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

"Be strong and let your heart

take courage, 

all you who wait for the LORD!"

Psalm 31:24

I do want to be brave, but I'm not sure that it's something I can just switch on or off; and, like I said, I don't think "brave" is quite enough.

Then I heard it. I recalled it--felt it even.

Take courage.

I can do brave things every once in a while, sure--but I long to be courageous. I long to have that as part of me. Deep down. At heart. 

I know, though, that courage is not something you just fall into. No one hands it to you. You don't become courageous by mistake or wake up one day and discover that it has overtaken you. 

You take it. 

You take it.

You fight for it, even.

Etsy

 "Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed,

for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:6

One of my favorite characters in Scripture is Joshua. Most of my favorite people in the world remind me of him. They live with no fear of man because they know the power and sovereignty of God. They speak with confidence and courage because they know wherever they walk, the LORD has already walked before them. 

Their obedience, their faithfulness, their belief, and (yes, again) their courage can knock down walls to bring God glory.

I'm not sure what, specifically, I want to accomplish with this one little word (it's really two words--I get it), but I know I want to do that. 

I want to courageously break walls down so the Spirit can rush through and do His thing...

Be it in the quietness of a heart or with all the chaos of Jericho.

Grow a courageous heart in me, LORD. Plant it deep. I'm willing to fight for that kind of courage.

I will take it.

a little low: 2013 in review

A year ago, I wrote a little post about a little word:

low

I remember being worried that I would forget about it. It was a whole new kind of resolution for me--one word from the Lord that would impact everything. Resolutions are typically forgotten, though, and I feared I'd lose sight of it altogether. 

With twelve months to my credit, I did not forget. 

I didn't always make the best choices to support that one little word, but I didn't forget it. 

I got irritated when I should have been grateful.

I judged when I should have trusted.

I spoke my mind when I should have listened. 

I splurged when I should have saved.

I rushed when I should have waited.

And every time, I heard the whisper: "Low." 

There were high points and good moments and right choices through the year, but I think my favorite part of 2013 was not that I perfectly achieved the goals I set...

I didn't forget what God had spoken. 

He held me just as accountable to it in November as He did in February. I think that's a resolution gone right. 

This year was hard. In a lot of ways, it felt low. This year was good, but if I could only use one word to describe it (sure it was an opportunity or growing or fruitful or stretching or rewarding), more than anything it was hard. 

I planned large events for the first time.

I made big apologies that were waiting to be made.

I moved in with new roommates and moved out two months later. 

I said a lot of goodbyes. 

I struggled with healing and processing. 

I prayed, brokenhearted, for friends who were helplessly hurt. 

I felt like a grown up. Like a surprised, unprepared, unsuspecting kid disguised as a grown up. 

Reflecting now, I wonder if maybe the Lord gave me "low" to prepare me rather than challenge me. Regardless of how He gave it...it was the very word I needed. 

He's good that way. 

He's good in a lot of ways, really. 

I made some sweet new friends in 2013 and, even if it gets a little confusing when we have the same name (grin), it's been good. 

I went on a road trip to Arkansas with my daddy to meet the one person alive who is most like his mother. It was so good for me.

One of my most favorite friends got married and it was so good to celebrate with her.

I went on my first vacation in years with my parents. We had a blast. It did so much good.

I went on my first date ever. Y'all. It was good. 

We can't forget the time I met the Backstreet Boys. That was good. wink 

I laughed. A lot. That's always good. 

At the end of it all, I realize that it's not God's gifts to me that make me love Him or even by those gifts that I know He loves me; but those gifts tell me He thinks of me. That, I love. 

My hope is that, as your 2013 comes to a close, you can know in spite of --maybe even because of-- your low days, there is a Father who thinks much of you and often. 

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them! 

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand--

when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:17-18, NIV