I hate the start of a new school year. HATE. IT.
I love buying new school supplies....that's the only joy I get out of that dreaded week in August. Other than that, though, I utterly detest going back.
It has nothing to do with having to go to class or homework. I really don't mind any of that. I enjoy it actually. The problem is I always feel like I lose my place over the summer. I feel like I've forgotten (and everyone else has forgotten) where I belong.
I'm all for change and improving and all that....but I miss knowing where I go, where I fit.
*insert real issue here*
I know I'm not supposed to fit. I'm called to more than that.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2
I'm not supposed to fit in. I'm called to stand out. To be different. I shouldn't have a place I'm comfortable. I'm made for more than that. My God didn't call me to be comfortable. He called me to be consistent. It's hard to be the one that doesn't back down on what I believe. It's difficult to watch "friends" disappear because they don't like the way I don't see gray areas between serving God and serving self. It hurts when I have to walk away from the girls I've turned to for support and companionship because I won't sit around and read Cosmo with them....Let's be honest. Sometimes it's not what I want to do at all. But He called me to be more. He called me to be different.
This God that gathers my scattered pieces. This God that makes sense of me when I can't make sense of myself. This God that will come after me no matter how far I run. This God that's in this thing for keeps. This God that won't just fight for me, but equips me to fight. THIS GOD calls me to be different....and so different I shall be.
In John 14:2, Jesus tells His disciples, "There are many rooms in my Father's house. I wouldn't tell you this, unless it was true. I am going there to prepare a place for each of you." I feel like I'm out of place, like I can't find where I belong....because I don't belong. This is not my home. This is not my place. He has gone to prepare my place. So that I "may dwell in the house of the Lord...and gaze upon His beauty." (Psalm 27:4) That's my place. That's where I belong...and until that day comes....
I'm fine feeling a little out of place.