Monday, February 15, 2010


I just thought I would inform all you blurkers* that after one week with my water water water mindset, healthier food choices, and Alli........

drum roll please

I lost four pounds!

It's a small amount in the scheme of things, but I'm pretty stinkin' excited!

*And yes, I called you blurkers. Blog. Lurkers. Because I'm well aware that you read my blog and just never say anything....but I know you're there. I have my ways ;)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Slow down, Sister! You're not ready for that.

I’m shocked right now. Not in a bad way, just in an “I really don’t have a clue how I feel about this!” kind of way.

Today I realized that three of my friends from high school are engaged. Three might not seem like a big number to you, but I graduated with a class of 85. Three’s a big deal. Oh and did I mention we graduated in 2007? That was two and a half years ago. We’re twenty/twenty-one years old!

***Disclaimer: I am in no way knocking any of these girls for being engaged, nor am I gawking at anyone who got married before they were thirty. I’m just realizing, rather shockingly, how I am so not ready to get married.

Upon realization of Person Getting Married #1, I immediately sent a text to my best friend telling her that it made me feel old. She responded by adding to the list Persons Getting Married #2 and #3. To that I said, and I quote: “Holy crap! How did I miss this? Can we PLEASE be the last ones to get married?...I NEED MORE TIME!” She quickly did some facebook stalking (She’s my best friend. That’s her job!) and assured me that we have several other friends in serious relationships so we have plenty of time. I feel slightly relieved but still, I can’t wrap my mind around this!

I’m only twenty years old. I’ll graduate in December, but that’s even a semester earlier than expected. I don’t have a clue what will come after that. Go to seminary? Find a job? I don’t know… I mean, seriously, I just figured out two days ago what I’m doing this summer!

The thought of being engaged and then married six months from now seriously makes my stomach turn. And we’re not talking butterflies. I’m not ready to be around one person that much. I like my alone time. I need my alone time. Basically, I'm selfish...and I still need to grow out of that - no, I just need to flat out change that. There is no way that I could handle making important, future-impacting decisions with someone. There’s still stuff I need to do. There’s still stuff I need to learn. I know I’ll never know everything I need to. I know I’ll never have enough money or enough patience or enough confidence or whatever, but surely I could have more than I have right now.

It’s not like I think I’ll never get married. In fact, if today I knew with 100% certainty that I loved someone completely and thought I was remotely ready, I would probably have a totally different outlook; but the fact of the matter is I don’t, nor do I even have a glimpse of what that would feel like, and I know I’m not ready, so the idea mortifies me.

I’m not even totally comfortable with the thought of getting married in five years! Five years ago I was fifteen years old. That doesn't feel like that long ago. Maybe by the time I’m thirty…yeah…maybe by then.

Monday, February 8, 2010

this girl's about to get honest.

I want to lose weight.

How much?

Well....a lot.

I've wanted to for a long time, but there were several reasons why I never really got around to it:

-I was busy. (lame excuse)

-My sweet friends always said things like, "You don't need to lose weight. You're fine just like you are. No one thinks you're overweight." (thanks for the encouragement...but you're lying!)

-My struggles with weight aren't all my fault. Growing up I had a lot of health issues and had to take a lot of Prednisone. What I had been told would make me "puffy" ended up being a much...well, bigger problem. I've justified my weight issues with the knowledge that I didn't start them. (But I can sure as heck finish them)

-I'm one of those people that, if I can't do it to perfection, I just don't do it all. I've been so scared that I would set a goal and never reach it that I just avoided it all together. (Again, lame excuse)

So now I'm going to do it. I am. It's happening, and there's several reasons for that too:

-I'm tired. ALL the time. I don't feel good. I don't have energy. I want to feel good.

-I would like to be able to buy jeans like a normal person. Cute ones. Gap ones. Express ones. Any ones really...just something other than what I've been stuck with.

-Did you know that for every 10 pounds you're overweight, your fertility percentage drops?....Yeah, I want babies. (someday.......faaaaaar from now)

-I don't want diabetes.

-I don't want heart problems.

-I don't want to die any sooner than necessary just because I didn't have the gumption to get up and change it.

-I want to look pretty...feel pretty...for my maybe/someday/one day husband. I know he'll love me so he'll think I'm beautiful. I know that no matter how I look, I'm still going to have insecurities about my body. I'm a's what we do. I can, at least, help the situation a little though.

So here's my steps.

1. water. water. water. and only water. (and sometimes coffee!)

2. eating healthier. (which will be difficult since my only chance of survival is in the form of nasty, disgusting dorm food...but I'm determined!) better food choices. smaller portions. healthier.

3. exercise. at least 4 times a week.

4. Alli. Ultimate accountability in a safe, effective supplement. (I promise...I've checked. And read....and read....and read.) Eat one thing you shouldn't....this little blue pill will make you pay; and I don't want that!

And I need your help!!

Every week, I'll post a blog about my progress and level of commitment for that week. If I'm not posting or if my posts reflect that I'm failing miserably, TELL ME!

And please pray for me! I've been told by a friend currently using Alli that the first three weeks can be summed up in three words:


This should

Day One

Ok. So today marks my first day taking Alli.

I'll post soon explaining all my reasons why and whatnot.

For now, let's just say I've never drank so much water or been so aware of the food I'm putting in my mouth.

This is going to be a good thing!