Tuesday, September 15, 2009

no call? no text?.....anything?

First of all........

Thank you so much for the outpouring of wonderful, love-filled comments! Absolutely made. my. life! I don't even think I need 50.....27 made me just as thrilled :)

Now on to my thought for the day....er.....days!

I may be totally in left field. I could be terribly wrong. I mean really, I could have been extremely misinformed, but I was under the impression that when a boy asked for your number--not because you had class together and he might need to borrow notes and not even in the "oh-we're-friends-and-we-hang-out-all-the-time-so-I-should-probably-get-your-number" kind of way, but in a very flirtatious, elevator conversation, out of the blue, "hey, let me get your number" (with the smile.....ugh...that smile. You know the one.) kind of way-- and remember, I could still be wrong, but I really kinda thought he actually had the intention of USING IT!!!

Really? No call? No text?......anything?

Apparently....I misunderstood.

I mean I must have just been completely and utterly wrong. In every form of the word.

Or maybe I just imagined the whole thing?......

No.....that's not it. It happened.

And now he's walking around with that smile on his face and my number in his phone and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit.

The five year old in me wants to walk up, ask to borrow his phone (with some endearing story about how a bunny ran off with mine and dropped it in Friendship Pond), in which case he will gladly lend me his and I will proceed to dramatically delete my number (after all, he's not planning on using it), slide his phone closed with unnecessary force, let out an exasperated "Hmph!", make an exaggerated turn, and walk away.

But I won't. Reeealllllly, I won't. I promise. I want to....but I won't.

And instead of making a total fool of myself, I've just been thinking instead, and what I've been thinking is this:

This thing. This boy. This failure to communicate and follow through....

I've done it.

Granted, I have not asked a guy for his number and then failed to call or text him....I haven't asked a guy for his number....at all, actually; but I have failed miserably at communicating with someone that waits for me to call.

I'm frustrated. I'm annoyed. I'm a little embarrassed and a little curious as to what I did to make that guy not use my number. So I'm wondering...if the fact that I so often neglect communicating with God causes Him to feel the same way.

I mean, God in His greatness knows He did nothing to push me away. He only draws me closer. He doesn't need fellowship with me, but He wants it.

I'm going to survive if this guy never texts me, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't mind if he did. I don't need it, but I want it.

But boy and texting and smiles aside, how many times do I look to God and promise to call on Him, and then I just.....


And I'm wondering if all the times I do that...if all the times I display good intentions and then fail to follow up, if He wonders what it's going to take to get and keep my attention. He knows what He did. He gave His Son. He gave up the One that meant most to Him, so that I could have the opportunity, the choice to call on Him....and so often I don't....and He's gotta wonder why.

There's really no conclusion. No end point. No pretty, wrap-up sentence. It's just what I've been thinking about.

And while I may not have an answer to all of this "wondering"....

I'm a lot less concerned with the inactivity of my cell phone.


Uncanny Colleen said...

Again...I sit at this computer and think, "Oooo, she's gonna publish a devotional someday! Oooo...It's gonna be good!"

Hang in there...these are the types of places where I was and feelings that I was having when I have grown the closest to God.

Becky Kiser said...

first, thanks for the rebuke in love. i so needed to hear that. not just about talking to God, but hearing how it makes others feel when i don't call when i said i would. it's really just selfish and just a stupid excuse to say i hate the phone. if i loved them, i'd use it.

second, that boy HAS LOST HIS MIND. i so wish i had a little brother or at the very least that our culture still accepted arranged marriages. i can't wait to see what He has for you...

love you!