Monday, March 8, 2010

full disclosure...

Does anyone else just wish they could freeze time and say what they need to say? I mean, really. How great would it be to just get it off your chest. Am I alone in this? Is it just me?

Maybe it is.

I just know that I have so many things I'd love to say to people. Not all bad things...just things that common sense and self-control won't let out. I know how to keep my mouth shut. I'm not actually going to say any of them....but I still wish I could.

"I can't figure out why we're not friends anymore."

"Remember when (insert situation)...that really hurt my feelings."

"Remember when (insert situation)...that meant more to me than you'll ever know."

"I don't even know who you are."

"I can't figure out where I stand with you. One day everything's fine....then the next I feel like I did something wrong."

"I'm pretty sure that we would be perfect together....too bad you don't see that."

"You changed my entire way of thinking....I've yet to decide how I feel about that."


It would feel good to say those things. It would be great to get them off my chest, BUT only if the person didn't actually hear me. If they did, in fact, hear me...I would turn 48 shades of red from head to toe, run away, hide, and cry...and cry...and cry. Because some things aren't supposed to be said. Some things aren't meant to be put into words. They're just supposed to be felt. Felt and kept inside. Or scribbled passionately in a journal. Or violently screamed into a pillow. Or whispered in a prayer of surrender.

I'm so grateful that the God that controls the universe also controls my heart and my tongue. And even though I can't say all the things I want to...He hears them just the same.


Uncanny Colleen said...

Well, I HOPE that you can tell me the things you would want to say to me. I love you a TON and couldn't stand it if you didn't feel free to tell me what you were thinking.

Anonymous said...

I can. Don't worry. If I felt like I couldn't tell you....I would....tell you ;)

Becky Kiser said...

i'm going to get this off my chest:

hannah stovall i got sad today thinking that karis will only have you as a full time babysitter and present big sis/aunt till next december (of course you will always be her no.1 baby sitter and big sis/aunt). please reconsider the houston campus. we'll move to a bigger house and you can live with us. :)

love you lots.